February 13, 2023

Time flies…

Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its brevity.

Jean de La Bruyère

I hate that every time I come here, its to complain or work out my craziness. I'm sitting here in my office wanting to SCREAM! I feel I can do more, but I'm stuck in this office waiting for an email or waiting to help guide my team in some direction.

To my benefit, my team is amazing and very self reliant. Mainly I'm here to help them when they get stuck and I try to give them some direction or the resources they need. However, my role as a leader seems a bit stifled while sitting in this office.

I'm finding myself thinking of all the personal shit I'd love to do right now, but stuck in these four walls. I am absolutely gifted to be in the position I am in, but I feel like I'm missing out on something. I feel like I'm losing time and not meeting my goals since I need to make a living for my family.

As all of these posts seem to be centered around, I'M LOST!

I just feel like I need to be doing more. Maybe that's the social media culture, the news and every other thing out there. Maybe it's the American Dream. I just want to be with the people I love and hang out with them. But I also want to be successful.

The way I would define successful would be to be able to make an impact on peoples lives. Support the ones that I love financially and not have to worry about finances long term. That stress is enough to make anyone crazy. Hence, why I am thankful for my current position, but I want more. I want to learn and I want to grow. I would love to try something new, but I have no clue what. This is why I feel lost.

So where do we go from here? Normally I am able to work these things out in my writing. Today is not that day. I'm as frustrated now as I was when I started writing. Maybe it comes down to being comfortable. Right now in all aspects of my life I'm "comfortable". I know with being comfortable comes stagnation. And time is a limited resource that we can't get back, its making me stress about something I have no control over. I know this but I still can't get over the feeling like I'm wasting time doing the things I don't LOVE. I love my job, but I don't love this part. Maybe that is what I need to change.

Maybe I did work something out. Still struggling to be an Accountable Dad.

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